THE SECRET DIARY OFT.A.K.: Sorry people, but I broke the internet

THE SECRET DIARY OFT.A.K.: Sorry people, but I broke the internet


Dear Diary,

Finally got down to watching that show about Bollywood wives this week, and I have some thoughts and doubts:

# What in the world is Le Bal?

# Is it Le Bal or Le Baaaaaaaaal?

# Sanjay Kapoor and Chunky Pandey are the best thing about the show. Which makes you wonder: did it not have to pass any quality checks?

# Shah Rukh spent 10 minutes on screen and was better than everything else that came before. Could they not have just done six episodes of him and Gauri?

# Chunky Pandey goes to the loo even more than I do.

# Why were they treating Ananya like a superstar when Neelam was around?

# Also, it’s sooooooooooo obvious that Shanaya’s prepping for her debut. I don’t know why any other star kids bother trying — there’s just one Bollywood baby fans want to see on screen yaar (me, not my sibling-to-be).

–x––x –x––x–

Earlier this week I noticed that mummy’s already posting more photos of the baby bump online than she is of me. This is, as you can imagine, extremely worrying.

So, as I do when I need a bit of an ego boost, I went on Google and started furiously checking what the world was saying about me.

Suddenly, Google itself was down.

I’m sorry guys, I think I broke the internet.

–x––x –x––x–

By the way, I’ve locked down on at least one New Year’s resolution. I’m going to learn Punjabi so I can understand what Diljit Dosanj is saying on Twitter.

Honestly, between him and all those pictures of biryani and pizzas and tractors playing music, I’m surprised all of the country isn’t standing alongside the protesting farmers.

–x––x –x––x–

Was chatting with Abba about the latest controversy he got caught up in.

Me: So, I heard you got into trouble?

Abba: Haan yaar Tim Tim.

Me: What happened this time?

Abba: Arre, I said that my role in Adipurush makes Raavan seem humane.

Me: So?

Abba: Sentiments got hurt.

Me: Does the movie make Raavan seem humane?

Abba: Yes

Me: So you had to apologise for explaining your role in a movie.

Abba: Yes.

We definitely live in interesting times.

–x––x –x––x–

Three sleeps to go before I turn four. I’m already feeling old.


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